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Instead of listing every single boring ass thing I did, lets try something new. Straight forward perhaps?

No, how bout more rambling.

Time is passing by really fast. I know I keep saying this over and over, but it really is. My life has been changing, hopefully for the better, so rapidly within the last few months. I’m really not sure if I can keep up with my newfound responsibilities and surroundings.

Not many people know this, but just a year ago I was fighting against depression. I was a mere child in mentality, and I thought I was on the path to nowhere. I played video games to try to escape reality, but all that did was dig me deeper into a big ass hole. I abandoned my family, friends, and most importantly myself. 

Now, I’m just beginning to grasp my true feelings about my life. I guess I managed to somehow pick up the slack by copying everything my brother did. I grown to look up to him a lot, so much that even at one point… when I met someone new, all I would do was to talk about his accomplishments. I wrote one of my college essays about him. I tried to studied hard just like he did, I relayed the same jokes and messages that he said to me to my friends and acquaintances. 

Hey it worked right? I managed to get into UT, hell… I’m a leader in one of the biggest organizations on campus. I’ve met so many people, and made so many friends… I’ve made it right? This is what I’ve always wanted right?

However, there’s only so much I can do before my old self comes back into scope. The guy who wants to sleep the day away. The guy who doesn’t want to go out. The guy who is okay with just doing nothing because he thinks life and the world are just too scary.

It’s weird, but I don’t think I can just let that part of me go. 

Where is the true me? How can I change myself when all I do is conceal my burning questions and desires? Where is my life? What do I want?

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3 Comments

  1. Hell yea! The world is scary. I ask myself what I want each day and I still don’t know.

    Look forward to seeing ya tho!

  2. You can’t purge yourself of who you are.

  3. Fake it till you make it bro… thats how its done. And it takes a long time.
    It’s just so much easier to sit around in your room and not do anything, you know? lol..

    I do have to say, the last time I saw you I noticed you seemed quite self confident and comfortable with yourself :)
    Hope school is going well for you!


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