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I was planning to write a passage everyday, but it seems that my life is just… school.

Today is the first day of Houston’s Chinese youth camp, aka CYC. But, I couldn’t go because I’m stuck here at UT for Summer school.

I have been going to this camp since 2004, 4 years in total, 2 as a camper, 1 as assistant counselor, and 1 as counselor. 4 years isn’t that much compared to other people that have been going for 8 years plus… but I really want to say that I love the camp just as much as any of them do.

What’s so good about cyc? I really can’t put my finger on it. At camp, I dreaded each class and I was tired everyday. I felt so left out, since so many people there were already close friends. I felt left out since I didn’t speak chinese, and I couldn’t do any of the activates well.

But, on the ride back home from that first time of camp, I began to miss it. I actually longed to go back. Why? Why did I feel that way? When I looked back on that week of camp, I didn’t see any of the bad parts. I saw my new friends, I remembered playing dodgeball, our ownage talent show, snack time… I saw a part of myself that I was missing… It was almost as if CYC had something that I needed.

So I went back again the next year. Again… the sense of loneliness, the sense of misplacement. But, then again… I felt the longing to return to camp, that I needed to keep going at it.

In 2006 I managed to make Assistant Counselor, and in 2007 I managed to make Counselor. Each of these years were really unique, but they both had a similar effect on me. For the first time, I was in charge of something. I was a leader. At first I dreaded the fact that I had little kids, but soon enough I learned I was lucky. I was lucky to have a chance to talk with these kids, and to see that I had a lot in common with them. But, as much as I saw the similarities… I began to question my own adulthood, my own growth as a person. “Why can’t I distinguish myself from being a kid? What does it mean to be grown up? Why can’t I be like (insert counselor name here)?”At that time my mission was to supposedly lead these kids into a different path. I thought I was a failure, a loser, that no one else was like me or would ever appreciate who I was. I wanted these kids to learn, to make friends, all so that they would not have those bad feelings. CYC forced me to face my personal problems… issues that had been bottled up for a very long time.

It’s a shame that I couldn’t go to camp this year. However, I think it’s a mixed blessing actually. I couldn’t go to camp this year because I got into UT, Summer.

Sucks? No, actually It doesn’t. I can’t believe I actually made it into UT. I was on the road to nowhere, failure, nothingness. But, that last year of CYC + some other things… made me realize, “Hey, there is still some time left. You know what? Ef what other people think about me, I’m going to make good grades, I’m going to succeed for once, I’m going to make everyone take a second look at me for who I really am inside.” I pulled A’s out of my ass. Two 75’s in precal? EF that. A in Cal BC, A in everything! (Well not English :P, a B here and there isn’t that bad!) My first A’s at Bellaire… sad huh? Oh yeah, I took Chinese 1 in hopes of having better profficiency at CYC! I gained so many things, besides just good grades.

Well that’s all besides the point now. CYC helped me so much… and you know what? My mission has changed… instead of trying to tell kids “hey don’t be like me.” – Now I really want to go back and say, “Hey, even if you think you suck at everything, even if you think you don’t belong… you really do. Go for it, you have all the time in the world.”

And, you know what? I now realize… that I actually made A LOT of new friends at CYC, very dependable and close ones. I can finally identify myself with a group of people. CYC forced me to grow up.

CYC is just so awesome because in the end… after all the drama, after all the bull shit… you leave camp as a stronger, more knowledgeable individual who has tons and tons of new friends. And, its amazing that everyone has totally different experiences at camp… and they all love it in the end. (for the most part :))

Again, I just want to stress the fact that I made SOOOOOO many new friends, which I’ll continue to see throughout college and life… jeeze, UT is going to be insane.

I guess that’s enough. Thanks cyc, I really won’t let you down. (personification to the max!)


One Comment

  1. YES! i can understand what you mean.. although i had close friends at camp i feel like it was harder to click with them there as opposed to a school setting.. but anyway i really understand that lonely feeling but still appreciating camp anyway in the end.. and i was glad i got the little kids from group 7. i’d say we were pretty much the best group that year.. 2nd in dodgeball.. 2nd ahem (1st) in talent show.. baller. see you around UT!!

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  1. By Bookmarks about Enhanced on 18 Aug 2008 at 2:45 pm

    […] – bookmarked by 4 members originally found by tinoyan1 on 2008-07-23 CYC – bookmarked by 4 members originally found by […]

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